Looking UP...

So that title is a little misleading, but I'm being optimistic here. We are slowly figuring out some of William's triggers and how to cut them off. Unfortunately it seems like as soon as you think you find something that works, it stops working. Sometimes it really feels like we are dealing with two separate children. Monday I worked a 17 hour day. I got to work at 7:15am and got home around 11:45pm. We had to travel to Kirksville, MO for the day. This left Lawrence in charge for the evening. We are quickly figuring out that Monday's are bad days.

Of course, it didn't help that William was exhausted because after putting him to bed (on Sunday night) he woke up and decided to watch himself a little TV. Lawrence happened to get up at 11pm on Sunday night to use the bathroom and heard his TV on. So he no longer has the privilege of a TV in his room. I know many people would think it was ridiculous of us to let him have a TV in his room anyway. Neither me or Lawrence had TVs in our rooms growing up. But we had an extra TV and we were trying to give him a space that was all his own. He loved getting up really early on the weekends and watching cartoons in bed. It also was nice because he has a PS2 and all his games and stuff could be in his room (I guess they still can, he'll just have to lug them out when he wants to play).

Anyway, he was tired and crabby when I got him up Monday morning and as I left for work I just knew things were going to go downhill. William just escalates at times and it seems no matter what you do, no matter how calmly you speak, no matter what tactics you use- there is no calming him down. When William first came to live with us he focused a lot of his vitriol on me, but lately it has been focused on Lawrence. He says some pretty awful things: "You're dumb, You're stupid, I hate you, I wish you'd die, You're evil." And then an hour later he will feel terrible. This is life with a child that is ADHD, has an anxiety and attachment disorder, and has been physically and verbally abused. All of this makes me respect foster parents EVEN MORE. No ONE does this for the money. If I ever hear someone say this again, we will have some words. =)

And then contrast all that with this past weekend. We had a great weekend. We went swimming, went to a Cardinals game, worked outside in the garden, helped with a neighborhood clean-up event, went to dinner and bowling with our friends Gary and Jamie, and even went to a brunch at my friend Jelena's house (to celebrate her FINALLY getting her green card- YEA!). He loved the food at the brunch, which was very European. Crapes, olives, fruit, etc. Very delicious and he went back for seconds (which my little bird-like eater never does). Yes he talked back a couple times and he loves to argue with us about inane things, but his behavior was pretty good all weekend.

So we continue to read articles and books on behavior modification and ADHD and we feel good that most of our instincts are exactly what the books tell you to do. And we try to savor the good moments and look upwards or forward to a time when every day isn't going to be this hard. It is exhausting to be a parent. I really don't know how my parents raised three boys and I don't know what my older brother and sister were thinking when they decided to have three also. They really are crazy! =) Of course once they are in your life, you can't imagine life without them. I cherish our time playing board games, building with Legos, being outside, and more than anything reading books with him. Last night we took turns reading pages and he was just too cute. It truly amazes me how good of a reader he is and how smart he is even though he got little parental support in his education (up until now). So we continue to climb and learn and figure our way as we grow as a family.