Adoption Day #1- One Dad Down, One to Go...

Today Lawrence officially adopted William. It was an early Christmas present for all of us.

There were some tears, but also some laughter.

We did hire a lawyer. It was necessary. I've been really nervous about this whole thing. I've just been so scared that someone is going to step in and say "No, these men should not be allowed to be parents!" It's a weird feeling. Almost as if you are being watched or followed. You're checking over your shoulder all the time. It's just an unsettled feeling, to worry about whether someone is going to step in and try to take away your family. Maybe I'm just paranoid...

So we have a lawyer. He's a nice guy. Very no nonsense and to the point. We got to the court building this morning and he pulled Lawrence aside to talk to him. I wondered about this, but tried to ignore the fact that as the spouse I was being left out of a discussion.

So here's the deal. Missouri allows same-sex couples to adopt, but it's very under the radar. Which means that the state (i.e., Foster Care System) won't endorse but won't prevent it. So if we were a straight couple, the state would have paid for both of us to adopt William. The reality is that they pay for Lawrence and I'm on my own. The other hitch is that you have to get a judge that is willing to do same-sex adoption. William's case got passed around in the two years he's been in the system, but the current judge is in his 70's and is NOT friendly to same-sex couples. If he had been, then we could have scheduled our adoptions on the same day, right after each other. Since he's not, I will file for adoption separately with a different judge.

Anyway, so we have this not friendly to our "lifestyle" judge who apparently has some rules that our lawyer was sharing with Lawrence. Rule one: William and Lawrence will sit up at the table in front of the judge, I will sit in the audience section with Lawrence's dad, step-mom and step-sister (Anya- William's Aunt). Rule Two: Lawrence will refer to me as "His friend that he lives with." Rule Three: He's got some thing about women wearing appropriate dress in the courtroom. Which I guess meant that I couldn't come in drag (I'm kidding people. I don't do drag, it's not pretty! but the judge did have some rule about women's dress in his courtroom).

I sat in the audience and I watched my two boys and I got choked up and I cried. And I almost died when the *#@*^ judge (I mean nice, little, old judge) asked Lawrence if he had thought about what would happen to William if something unexpected happened to him and Lawrence replied..."Well, I guess my friend that I live with will care for him." It seemed like there was a collective eye roll in the court room. Everyone saw us for what we were, but the judge wanted to pretend. Pretend that families like ours don't exist. Sorry sir, but we do and it's OK. Actually I think a lot of people think this way. They just want everyone who is different, whether its the gays and lesbians, or the people of color, or the undocumented workers, or the poor...they just want them to exist in the shadows, to not be seen or heard, to not speak out.

But we won't do that anymore. As Prior says in Angels in America... "The world only spins forward. We will be citizens. The time has come."

OK, I'll get off my soapbox because as I sat down in that courtroom none of it mattered. I only had eyes for the men in my life. Lawrence looked nervous and William was silent (which pretty much takes divine intervention...) It all went really fast. There are a bunch of scripted questions and answers between the judge, lawyer, and Lawrence. I was just relieved and very happy. Lawrence was officially William's dad and no one could take him away. It was like a great weight just lifted off of me.

At the end the judge also officially changed William's name. He's got a hyphenated last name and he's not so sure about it. I think it will grow on him! But when the judge was reading the proclamation (or whatever you call it) he said William York Miskel-Berger. William's eyes got huge and his head whipped around and he looked at me and I could see it in his face. PANIC! (The judge corrected himself but by then William was turned around at me and not paying attention). So when the whole thing is over a second later, William races over to me and says: "That man changed my name to BURGER!" really loud. Everybody starts laughing and I calm him down. Since then my dad likes to call William- Big n' Tasty. It's William's favorite McDonald's sandwich. So he's William "Big n' Tasty" Burger. Too funny.

It was all done by 9:30am. We took William to school and after telling us in the car not to tell anyone where he had been, he walked into school and told the first 8 adults we ran into "I got adopted today!"

so here's the little man...our little man...or at least Lawrence's official little man and soon to be my little man:

He's ours!